I’ve been organizing events for kids for a few years now and have come to the conclusion that Scholastic Chess is much more than “Kids Playing Chess”. In addition to learning how to play a board game, Chess is also about sportsmanship, fair play, individual achievement, team contribution, learning to win, learning to lose, being our best, learning from our mistakes and learning to “be our own advocate”. It’s this last item I want to touch on.
[NOTE: The following does not apply to very young children (Kindergarten). Some would argue that 1st grade falls into this category but let's leave that for a different discussion.]
When I coach my clubs, I do my best to teach kids all of the above but most importantly, to be responsible for their own results. I’m always amazed that when you have the chance to let a child be accountable and EXPECT IT, they will (9 times out of 10) raise to the occasion and give us, as parents, the opportunity to praise and reward them.
When a child plays in a tournament, we expect THEM to be accountable for the results and to make sure they are properly recorded. We do this for a couple of reasons. Most importantly – THEY own the result. We teach them that they can stand up for themselves if something is wrong and work things out (yes, with supervision). I’m never more proud when 2 kids are having a disagreement over something and they have the chance to work it out themselves. Almost every time, they come to the right decision and feel proud that they resolved it themselves.
As parents, we naturally want to be their advocate and support them. We have a very important job in this respect; however, we also have to provide a place for them to stand up for themselves and be accountable for taking (or not taking) action. If something is wrong (and yes, sometimes mistakes happen), we need to use the mistake as a way of helping them recognize issues and take the right actions. By allowing our kids to do this themselves, we do them a far greater service than getting a point in an event, we teach them how to stand up for themselves.
As parents, we need to encourage our kids to be responsible for their own issues on the chess floor and support the advocacy of themselves. We need to find those teachable moments and let them rise and fall. We must stand behind them but let them know that it’s their job – not ours – to address concerns. THAT is a gift that is more valuable than any trophy.